Just What The Doctor Ordered
by changenotcoins
Summary: Elliot has never particularly liked shrinks especially when they bring up the subject of the partner he's secretly in love with.
1. Chapter 1

He had just been reprimanded for_ another _case gone wrong because of his inability to restrain himself. He felt as if he were being used as a scapegoat because of a case he couldn't fix. They had watched the case crumble right before their eyes; a woman recanting her statement of rape, a criminal released due to tampered evidence and lives nearly lost in the line of duty. But the blame had been placed on him and now his ass was on the line.

His jaw was rigid and his eyes were filled with disdain as he watched Cragen's normally stern features become even more harsh and belligerent, his voice raised to a level he rarely used. He was ranting about Elliot's misuse of his badge and how he may be forced to pick up drinking again if he had to deal with his top detective constantly crossing the line. Elliot almost had the urge to roll his eyes at a speech he had already heard too many times before.

But he could tell this time Cragen wasn't just letting him go with a slap on the wrist. He began to shift nervously in his seat as Cragen reached over and picked up the telephone on his desk, dialing a number unfamiliar to Elliot. The conversation between his boss and the mystery man gave him nothing more than a time scheduled later for that day and a reference to an old friendship.

"Captain?" Elliot prompted with eyebrows raised. His curiousty was growing by the second and he leaned forward in anticipation. It wasn't like Cragen to keep him at bay.

"I didn't realize that my leniency over the years would finally come to this. But I can't have any more smudges on my record, and your behavior reflects that immensely. Your tendency to lose control with the suspects, your blatant disobedience at times because you're so damn stubborn and your relationship with Olivia, _whatever_ it may be, have pushed me over the edge."

Elliot's eyes flashed with anger. He didn't like what Cragen was implying.

"Elliot, I've made an appointment for you with a shrink. I think it'll do you good to knock some sense into that thick skull of yours," he said, and when Elliot's mouth opened for protest, Cragen held up a hand to silence him. "This isn't a _choice_, Detective. You either complete these sessions or you're fired."

He looked over his shoulder and saw Olivia at her desk, head bent in concentration as moved a pen across the file. She was as far away from him as possible in the small space of the precinct.

She had been avoiding him lately, only speaking to him directly when she was in dire need and only looking at him when her eyes had run out of spaces on the floor to focus on. He didn't know when their relationship had changed from comfortable partners who confided virtually everything in one another to partners who lost the ability to even be in the same room with each other before sidelined emotions exploded.

Before he had a chance to turn his head away, her blemished eyes met his. He'd always had the talent to read her but this time he was at a loss. There were indescribable emotions flashing through her eyes.

He rubbed his hand over his face, turning back away from her. If there was any reason to participate in this, it was her. Because lately their partnership had crumbled and he wanted to put the pieces back together. He _needed_ to put the pieces back together because without her, the bond they shared would be broken. She was Olivia Benson and he was Elliot Stabler. Benson and Stabler. Elliot and Olivia. El and Liv. Brooding intensity with a dedication that never wavers and empathy with tough exterior motivated by past. It was an unspoken truth that one never went without the other.

He despised therapists in any shape or form. He had always been taught to be sufficient on his own, to take care of his own without asking for help, to solve his own problems without having to resort to an outside party. He'd never particularly liked someone sitting across from him, judging him, analyzing him, regarding his feelings as if they actually meant something to a complete stranger.

But now, everything was spiralling out of control and he couldn't take control like he was so used to being able to do. His options had run dry and this time he couldn't fix what was broken on his own.

Maybe seeing a shrink was exactly what he needed.

**So it's extremely short, but it's just the premise. The next chapters will steer more towards humor as the shrink delves into Elliot feelings but as he opens up, there _will_ be some angst. It will develop into EO as the story goes on. How could it not be? :)**


	2. Chapter 2

He couldn't wrap his mind around this shrink. He was quirky, overly polite, stared at him without saying a word and struck Elliot as the type of man who was just itching for the scoop on anything and everything Elliot did. It was like Elliot was another science project, just waiting to be experimented with, to delve deeper into and discover the secrets he harbored.

The shrink held the file between his fingers, scanning it with his beady eyes. Every few moments or so he'd make a face; an amused look with a bright grin that stretched ear to ear, a perplexed look with eyebrows dipped in confusion, a wide eyed look with his tongue perched on the edge of his lip, a scrunched up look that showed every wrinkle. When he wasn't making faces, he was making noises that clearly gave away what thoughts danced around in his head. He'd unabashedly scoff, he'd give a hearty laugh, he'd hum while reading another line, he'd clear his throat when a surprising detail popped off the paper at him.

Elliot was no anthropologist but as he studied the man across from him, he decided that he was just plain _weird_. And this was the man who had been hired to help him? He didn't understand how sitting in silence would help him keep his job.

Finally he tore his eyes away from the manila folder and smiled at Elliot. "Detective Stabler?"

"Dr. Taylor?" Elliot replied, eyebrows raised. He didn't like people who played psychological warfare with him. But maybe he was biased; he did it on a daily basis.

"Is there anything you'd like to confess before I weasel it all out of you?" Dr. Taylor asked, his head balanced on one hand and his bright, dancing eyes staring point blank at Elliot.

"There's no story here," Elliot said.

Dr. Taylor picked the file up once more and ran his eyes over it. He looked back up at Elliot with an accusatory smile. "According to this, there's a whole _novel_."

Elliot twitched in his seat, folding his hands over his stomach, elbows perched on the edges of the chair's arms. He smirked at the doctor; he wasn't a fan of smart asses anymore than the next guy. "My personal life is none of your business."

"Maybe so," Dr. Taylor said. "But your professional life is. It seems to me that you continually decide to mix the two, which therefore_ makes _it my business. After all, I cannot clear you until I conduct a thorough investigation of everything pertaining to your professional environment."

"I keep my job separate," Elliot defended. Was this guy for real? "I don't condone bringing in my personal issues because it clouds my judgement."

"And yet you have on numerous occasions," Dr. Taylor said. "Would you like me to list all of it out for you?"

"Be my guest," he seethed. It wasn't as if this guy was privy to information Elliot wasn't. Or was he? Elliot was beginning to wonder if this guy could read him far better than he could read himself.

"Let's see," Dr. Taylor began. "Your children seem to be brought up frequently while investigating crimes because you see them in the victims which in turn makes you side with_ only _the victims. Your wife and your partner are at odds because your wife thinks you spend too much time on the job and with your partner, and your partner has saved your wife's life and delivered your son all in the same day. Your daughter was arrested for drunk driving because you finally realized she needed to be punished and couldn't just get off easy because her father is a cop. Your father was a cop, which is one of the reasons you entered the line of duty. Your father was known to have a temper as a cop just like yourself. Your thoughts regarding many cases reflect your past endeavors. Your daughter was discovered to have bipolar disorder, a trait she inherited from her grandmother and one which she used to practically destroy you and herself. Your temporary partner, whom you received _after_ you scared off your original partner, remained close to you and developed feelings for you which you seemed to return before she left for good. And as a devout Catholic, you find conflict between faith and work. Now tell me, Detective, do you ever _not_ involve your personal life?"

Elliot's jaw clenched. This guy was excellent at playing games. Elliot had never been a gambling man, but he'd bet this guy had many tricks up his sleeve to get Elliot to confess. "That's all true, but it doesn't mean that I'm not good at what I do."

The doctor threw up his hands in defense. "By all means, you _are_ good at what you do. I never said that you weren't. But you're here today because you have unresolved issues that when dealt with will ultimately make you even _better_."

"So how are you supposed to help me?" Elliot asked. "Because I don't feel like I've gotten any better within the last five minutes."

"First, I need you to drop the hostile attitude. I cannot help you if you think of me as an enemy. And if you think I'm being harsh at times, I will continue to be because playing nice with Elliot Stabler has never seemed to get anyone _anywhere_ with you."

Elliot jaw almost dropped to the floor. "I can be perfectly reasonable and rational when I want to be."

"You _can_ be, but I can already tell you _won't_ be," he said. "When someone hits a nerve, Hurricane Stabler is out for vengeance. And that's what this is all about. I have to ask about touchy subjects in order to get to the bottom of the problem. If I don't press for information, we'll just be sitting ducks. You _do_ want to continue to work in Special Victims, don't you?"

"Of course I do," Elliot replied. "I just want to get this over with."

"Then let's start so we can finish."

"What do you want to know?"

He cocked his head to the side as if he were deep in thought. It took him a few moments before he seemed to find the right words. "Let's begin by discussing your partner."


	3. Chapter 3

The doctor noticed Detective Stabler's facial expression change drastically as the statement hit his ears. "Why is she automatically the first subject that comes to your mind?"

"A little defensive, are we?" Dr. Taylor mused with a puckish grin. "Is there a matter at hand you would like to address regarding your partner?"

Elliot shrugged nonchalantly. "We're just partners."

Dr. Taylor rolled his eyes. "That is_ quite _an understatement, Detective," he said. "What you do for each other does not constitute partners."

"We're_ just _partners, Dr. Taylor," Elliot reiterated with eyebrows raised. "I don't know what exactly you're looking for from me, but that's all I can give you."

"There's a reason your pairing is the best the precinct has ever seen," Dr. Taylor said. "Care to elaborate on exactly why that is?"

Elliot swallowed the large lump in his throat. This was _exactly_ why he despised psychology. Not only did the clever doctor twist his words into a knot he couldn't untie, but he insisted on discussing subjects Elliot would rather avoid. "I don't know how to answer that."

The doctor smiled softly at Elliot. _Now we're getting somewhere_. "How long have you two been partners?"

"A decade," Elliot answered without hesitation. "This coming year it will be eleven years."

"Isn't it quite rare for a partnership to last that long? Particularly a man woman pairing?"

"I guess so," he said with little conviction. "But why does it matter?"

"It matters because you're the sole evidence to the contrary. You've disproved a longstanding statistic and I'm curious as to why."

"We work well together."

"_Obviously_," the doctor rolled his eyes. "But _why_?"

"We compliment each other," Elliot paused to consider his answer. "It's almost as if we're complete opposites but somehow we fit together. I don't know how to explain it. I've never analyzed our relationship in depth enough to understand why."

"So we've gone from a partnership to a relationship?" the doctor mused. "And maybe it's time you_ try _to understand why, Detective."

"Isn't that what you're here for?" Elliot asked, ignoring Dr. Taylor's initial statement. "To help me sort it all out?"

"In a sense," Dr. Taylor said. "But I can only do so much. It's a two way street, Detective."

"It's not like there's anything to tell," Elliot replied. "We _work_ together."

"I gathered from your determined avoidance of the subject of Olivia Benson that there _was_ something to tell."

"I just don't like when someone asks me about Liv. If you _really_ want to know about her, ask her yourself." Elliot said, leaning back into his chair as if he had nothing more to say. But this was only just the beginning.

Dr. Taylor chuckled into the back of his hand. "Detective, why don't you call your partner Detective Benson?"

Elliot was taken aback for a moment. "Everyone calls her Liv."

"But you told me you're strictly professional with this woman, am I correct?" Dr. Taylor asked and when Elliot nodded, he continued. "Then the fact that you call her a popular nickname shows that you are at ease with one another. So much so that you have disregarded a professional courtesy. I find it hard to believe it's _just professional_."

"She calls me a nickname too. But it doesn't mean I take offense for her not calling me by my professional name. She rarely ever calls me Detective Stabler or Elliot anymore, and I don't have a problem with that and more importantly neither does she." Elliot replied with the infamous Stabler smirk. Then again every face this man made was a trademark all his own.

He didn't know if Detective Stabler realized it or not, but he gave away far more than he might have intended to. Judging by his posture, he was defensive when it came to his partner. He crossed his arms over his chest and grit his teeth, a sign he was protective and did not want anyone threatening his territory when it came to the woman he spent the majority of his time with. Which meant there was more to the story than the doctor had initially anticipated. It almost made him giddy that he would be the one to push these two unrequited lovers in the right direction.

"Nonetheless," Dr. Taylor began. "I find that beneath the surface there's a much stronger foundation to your partnership."

Elliot looked at him blankly. "I don't follow."

"I've read this file from front to back too many times for my liking. For a mere professional acquaintance, you seem to regard this woman very highly. Unbeknownst to her, you took her mother's rape case file home with you and on your own time decided to have a crack at it. When you found she was keeping the secret of a long lost brother from you, you immediately insisted on being involved in her family. You spend more time with her than your own family. You've come to her aid more times than I can count on one hand. You've saved her life more than once with no qualms about it. And yet the basis of your partnership is simply professional?"

Elliot looked down at his seat and started to pick off a corner where the fabric was frayed. He'd been caught and he felt like he was back in grade school, sitting in the principal's office being scolded for another childish act.

"What would you do for your partner?"

"I would do anything." The words left his lips before he had even given them an ounce of rational thought. His reply was quick and reflexive, almost unthinking.

"Even if it cost you your life?" the doctor challenged.

"I would do _anything_," he confirmed with a solemn look on his face.

"So you're telling me she's worth everything to you?"

"She's important to me," he said softly. "I care about her immensely."

"That much I can see," he returned the soft smile with one of his own.

"I told her before that she and the job were all I had left," Elliot admitted.

"Do you value Detective Benson or your job more?"

Elliot's eyes widened at his words. "I can't choose between the two of them."

"From what I gather, the job can never give you what she does. The job can never be what you _need_ like she so clearly is. Because when it comes down to it, who is going to be there for you? Certainly not this position you've invested yourself in. It pales in comparison to the partnership you have with Olivia Benson."

"Without the job I wouldn't even know Olivia," Elliot countered.

"That's very true," the doctor agreed. "But as it stands now, if given the choice, what would you choose?"

Elliot sat back in his chair, pondering his answer. He'd never thought about this difficult question or what it meant to their relationship. But as he wrapped his mind around the seemingly harmless question, he realized it had implications he'd avoided all this time because he already knew the answer. He was just afraid of what would happen if he finally admitted it.

"I would choose her," he answered so quietly that Dr. Taylor thought he had imagined Elliot speaking altogether. "I would choose Olivia."

"Now that we've come to this conclusion, do you think it's wise to continue being partners when a situation might arise where you'd be faced with the task of choosing between your partner and your job?"

Elliot looked up at the doctor with wary eyes. "I don't know how to function as a police officer without her."

The doctor's eyebrows instantly furrowed at his patient's reasoning. "And what do you mean by that?"

"There was a point in our partnership we've never completely recovered from," Elliot began. "It was a few years back and we were almost at the point where we completely despised each other."

"Sparring words and your inability to see eye to eye?" Dr. Taylor tapped a finger against the file in his lap and smiled.

"I'm sure that you already know all about this," Elliot said. "Everything I've ever done is probably in that file."

"But I'd like to hear your side of the story. All I have is this measly file to go off of and I must say that IAB has quite a large grudge against you, Detective," Dr. Taylor said. "I'd like not to be biased or swayed by what a corrupt inner working they seem to have going on."

For the first time since he had entered the shrink's office he felt himself smile. "Seems like you have some unresolved issues, Doc. Care to share?" he asked playfully.

Dr. Taylor gave a hearty laugh in response. "You would not make it home in time for dinner."

"Touche," Elliot said with a small smile.

"If you will, please continue."

"We had fought before. Disagreements about a case and how to handle it. Taking sides with the victims and the suspects," Elliot shook his head vigorously. "But we were out of control. Everything that came out of our mouths turned into a battle. And then there was the Gitano case."

"I read up on this case a few years ago. It was thrust into the public limelight because it was extremely high profile. How did this specific case, unlike the many others you have worked, affect you so greatly?"

Elliot sighed deeply and scrubbed a hand across his face. He'd never confronted his emotions about the Gitano case. They'd been kept bottled up for far too long and he knew it was time to release the lid himself instead of waiting for the pressure to build and the glass to explode. Before he himself self-destructed because of what had happened on that fateful day.

"We were hunting Gitano in a public place. He already knew we were on to him and when he became fully aware, he was prone to succumb to irrational actions. He recognized Olivia in the throng of people and he pulled a knife. He threatened her so many times but Olivia's only concern was the child he was holding. I suppose he thought she was going to shoot him and so he slashed her throat. I could see her from where I was positioned and I panicked. I had to make a conscious decision on a split second time frame. I watched him tear off with a child in his arms and another at his side. I watched Olivia struggle on the floor as she clutched at her wound," he managed to choke out as a lump built in his throat.

The images of that day flashed through his head and it sent him spinning. He closed his eyes and tried to shake them off, but they returned when his lids lifted and his eyes met Dr. Taylor's. "I've never been able to fully understand why I chose Olivia that day. I could have just as easily chosen to go after Gitano and the children, but I didn't. There was an entire crowd there who all would have stopped and helped Olivia and I knew that. It was what I should have done and when I got to Olivia it was immediately the first words she spoke to me. She told me that she would be okay and that I should go after them. And when I finally was able to tear myself away from her, I had lost them and Gitano had already killed the little boy."

"You were angry with yourself for choosing your partner over the innocent children?"

"Damn straight," Elliot said. "I could hear the paramedic a few feet away patching up Olivia after we had realized it was a lost cause to seek Gitano out because he was long gone. She told Olivia that it was so close that if had just been a slight more this way, she wouldn't have survived. It made my stomach churn knowing that I could have lost her but I couldn't get the image of that little boy in a pool of blood out of my head."

The doctor rested his chin on his hand in intrigue. "I take it your partnership became strained because of your decision to choose Olivia."

"I blamed Olivia for the death of that little boy. I placed all of my guilt on her and I acted as though I hated her for getting injured. But most of all, I was beyond angry that Gitano had hurt her. I was beyond angry that he had slaughtered an innocent child. I was beyond angry at myself for _letting_ it all happen."

"None of what occurred could be prevented, Detective. You did everything in your power to make this case run smoothly and when it didn't you automatically assumed you were at fault."

Elliot scoffed. "Maybe it's the Catholic guilt."

"We all make choices in our lives. Whether they are the right ones or the wrong ones or if we regret them later or not, they were exactly what we wanted at the time we make them. The _choice_ you made to come to your partner's aid instead of the little boy's was exactly what you wanted," Dr. Taylor stared at Elliot pointedly. "You followed your instincts and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that."

"I'm trained to put the victim's needs before my own or my partner's," Elliot said angrily. "I suppose you're going to tell me there's an underlying reason I disregarded all of my years of choosing the victims and subsequently chose Olivia?"

"For someone who loathes psychology with such a passion, you sure are taking to it quite easily," Dr. Taylor winked at Elliot. "But what happened after this incident?"

"We tracked down Gitano at some abandoned warehouse. Olivia went one way and I went the other to cover the room, and the next thing I knew, Gitano had a hold on me with a gun pressed to my temple. And then I saw Olivia pointing her gun at the two of us, trying to convince Gitano to let me go and telling him that he was making a mistake. He was talking endlessly in lies about what he had done to the little girl and I was yelling at Olivia to shoot Gitano. She kept looking back and forth between us, and I could see it in her eyes that she was so scared. Her voice was shaking and her eyes were watery. I was trying to tell her with my eyes that it was okay to pull the trigger. That if she hit me instead of Gitano because she didn't have a clear shot that I would understand. And I closed my eyes and waited for the bullet to hit me."

"But that bullet never came?" Dr. Taylor asked him slowly.

"We had called back up earlier and the sniper got Gitano at the last second," he ground out. "He hit the floor and I could hear everyone talking but I didn't even register what they were saying. I was staggering backwards and looking at the floor trying to piece it all together. I didn't even _look_ at Olivia until I heard a noise in the distance and we both knew that it was the little girl."

"You rescued the little girl and then what happened?"

"After we took her to the hospital and were satisfied she was going to be okay, we sat down on the bench outside of the waiting room. I told her I knew she would have taken the shot had the sniper not beaten her to it and she told me that she didn't want to cause my death," he said. "But I could tell that wasn't the only reason she didn't want to shoot me."

"And what do you think the other reason might be?"

"I don't know," Elliot shook his head. "I just knew that she wasn't giving me a straight answer. It was an answer that made sense but it wasn't what she was actually feeling."

"And so you told her that she and the job were the only two things you had left anymore?" Dr. Taylor guessed.

"I told her that we both chose each other over the job and that we couldn't allow ourselves to do that again," he said softly. "Otherwise we couldn't remain partners because I didn't want to destroy the one thing I'd managed to keep alive."

"And what did Olivia do?"

"She requested a new partner."

**I don't know what the hell happened but I just couldn't find a decent place to stop in this chapter so it ended up much longer than I had originally planned. However, I don't think you guys will be protesting much. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

"And here I thought the two of you were inseparable," Dr. Taylor laughed disbelievingly. "But given that she asked for a new partner, I suppose she was much more offended by the incidents regarding the Gitano case than you thought?"

"She probably would have stuck around if I had apologized," Elliot said. He mentally kicked himself. Why _hadn't_ he done that in the first place? But it dawned on him that no matter what words he had spoken to hear that day, she was bound to leave him. He hadn't the courage nor the stamina to look her in the eye and say he was sorry because that would mean Elliot Stabler finally would admit defeat.

"Could it be because you're just too damn stubborn?" Dr. Taylor asked with a certain twinkle in his eyes.

Elliot scoffed as he pressed his back to the pillowy fabric of the chair he currently occupied. "That seems to be the general consensus."

"Well, let's see if we can remedy that a bit, shall we?" Dr. Taylor asked, eyeing the folder open in his lap with beady eyes. "It says here your partner decided that a new companion would be out of the question and that a new department all together was what was best for all involved."

"Olivia decided on her own,_ without_ my input, that _computer crimes _was where she belonged," Elliot's voice was lilting with sarcasm as he let the words roll off his tongue.

"You say that as if the unit she chose was somehow inferior to yours?" Dr. Taylor quirked an eyebrow.

"It's not that I think that what they do is unimportant," Elliot replied. "I just know it isn't where Olivia belongs."

"Are you trying to tell me that you don't condone your partner being anywhere else but at your side at all times? That if she so chooses to leave you for another position elsewhere, you simply cannot handle her being out of your reach?"

Elliot gritted his teeth in response to Dr. Taylor's blatant accusation. He didn't _need_ Olivia to be the law abiding officer he had been for so many years. He'd survived the perils of the job long before she had waltzed into his life. But then why was it that every time she picked the chance to run away from the place she felt the most at ease, away from _him_, instead of a chance to mend their broken partnership, he became a wreck? "Olivia is dedicated to our unit because she is motivated by her past," he said. "That's why she belongs in Special Victims."

"But is it not true that your temporary partners seem to be threatened by you and your inability to work cooperatively with someone who is _not_ Olivia Benson?"

"It's not that I can't work with them," Elliot said. "I just find it difficult when my partner skipped out on me and these morons are sticking their noses in my business where they don't belong."

"Which triggered your fist connecting with Lucius Blaine's nose and your lips connecting with Dani Beck's?" Dr. Taylor said demurely. He was toying with his patient's emotions, using any means possible to wriggle a confession out of a man who had worked so hard to build up a wall that was too strong for anyone to break down.

"How the _hell_ do you even know about that?" Elliot's mouth opened wide, his jaw dangerously close to hitting the floor.

"A magician never reveals his tricks," Dr. Taylor said, the faintest trace of amusement in his voice. "Answer the question, Detective Stabler."

"Lucius Blaine was a pompous ass who just decided that he could sidle his way into _my_ unit and do whatever the hell he wanted while simultaneously trashing my partner in the process," Elliot answered angrily.

"Sounds like the two of you were separated at birth," Dr. Taylor muttered. "And what seemed to be the issue with Dani Beck?"

"Olivia was undercover at some environmentalist facade and at the time I knew nothing about it because she couldn't have contact with me for fear of blowing her cover. I wasn't aware that she was even up in Oregon, let alone even gone in the first place," he said quietly. "She didn't even say goodbye."

"I bet that must have made you very upset."

"Of course I was!" Elliot scowled, shooting him a reproachful look. "Everyone else had left me in the dust and I thought maybe Olivia had finally come to her senses and left before I had _really_ destroyed her. But I figured I at least deserved a goodbye. If not, then maybe a nice little 'fuck you' would have sufficed."

Dr. Taylor placed a finger to his lips in contemplation. "But as it turns out she didn't leave you by choice. She had successfully infiltrated a prominent government operation and there was no turning back."

Elliot snorted into the palm of his hand. "I doubt she would have even said anything to me if she had been able to. It was probably a relief for her to be thousands of miles away from the one person she couldn't stand."

"Is this why you fell so haphazardly into the arms of Dani Beck?"

Elliot's mouth open and closed several times but no words seemed to leave his lips. A series of strangled noises caught in his throat and his nostrils flared with fury as he tried to find an adequate explanation to Dr. Taylor's inquisition. He wasn't accustomed to being subjected to topics he had fought to bury deep in the ground. But now the most sensitive of topics was about to be dug up with a shovel he thought was far too sharp for its own good.

Elliot swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat but it didn't keep his nerves at bay. "I thought... I was looking for something that wasn't really supposed to be found. I was fresh off a twenty year marriage I was in denial for so many years would actually work and a partnership I thought I could fix even though it clearly needed some thorough evaluation. My relationships with the two women who mean the most had crumbled. Dani came along and for once, someone actually _needed_ me. It wasn't that I was attracted to her. She's a beautiful woman, but..." he trailed off, letting the doctor make his own inference.

"But she's no Olivia Benson?"

Elliot's head snapped up so quickly Dr. Taylor thought it might as well have come clean off his neck. "Well, I... obviously, Dani would never be what Olivia is to me but that isn't why I knew a relationship between the two us would have never worked."

"And what precisely is the reason you knew you could not have a relationship with Dani Beck? Seeing as how she was only your temporary partner and she was working within another unit, there was nothing to stand in your way of attaining a beautiful, smart and humorous woman. Why didn't you get involved with her?"

"I told you I wasn't attracted to her," Elliot replied quickly. "I only kissed her because I had a screwed up perception of what it meant to have someone need me."

Dr. Taylor pursed his lips and stayed silent for a period of time that made Elliot feel uneasy. This man was entirely too insightful and knew entirely too much about a patient he had met only hours ago.

Finally, he smiled brightly at Elliot who eyed him curiously. "You felt an overwhelming guilt because kissing one woman was a betrayal of another."

"There was no one to betray!" Elliot bellowed. "I kissed Dani on a whim and Olivia never crossed my mind while we were playing tonsil hockey. Even is she had popped into my head at that moment, it wouldn't have been anything but platonic. "

"Did you ever tell your partner about your affair with her replacement?"

Elliot looked at the carpeted floor below him, hands folded precariously across his lap. "I never told her but I have a feeling she knew."

"How could she possibly know if she was miles away from you?" Dr. Taylor asked.

"When Olivia got back from Oregon and we became partners again after Dani left because she couldn't handle the severity of the cases we take on, Olivia asked me what happened to Dani. I told her Dani went back to her old department without even thinking about how Olivia would even know to ask _specifically_ about Dani. She knew I had a temporary partner but I never breathed a name," Elliot said. "I don't know how she knew but she must have talked to Cragen or found out some other way. And I slipped up a few times; called a victim named Danielle the nickname Dani and Olivia would just smile it away but I'm certain she knew there was more to Dani Beck than I had initially told her."

"So you don't feel that your close knit relationship with a woman you had only known for a short time degraded in some way your relationship with your partner of much longer?"

Elliot laughed in a way that told Dr. Taylor what he was about to say wasn't particularly amusing. "Ask Olivia about her _relationship_ with FBI Agent Dean Porter and then you can decide if what I did constitutes a betrayal."

"_Well_ now. Who might this Dean Porter be and why is he such a nuisance to you, Detective Stabler?" Dr. Taylor asked curiously, leaning forward in his chair as if his patient were telling a compelling story. And that was exactly what made him listen; _everything _that came out of Detective Stabler's mouth was as fascinating as one of those trashy soap operas with a train wreck of a storyline. He just wanted to see which of the integral characters would suffer the wrath first.

"Olivia worked with him when she was undercover in Oregon," Elliot said with an air of disdain. "They were _partners_."

"I see that this bothers you," Dr. Taylor said. "Olivia Benson leaves behind a mountain of a molehill of problems and finds solace with someone who is none the wiser to her partner back home."

"Damn straight," Elliot said as the knuckles on his left hand turned white from his tight grip on the arm. "She leaves New York to work for the FBI in some operation that could easily get her killed when she never even asked to be a part of the stint in the first place. She gets paired up with Dean Porter who may be easy on the eyes but knows virtually nothing about Olivia. His only role in this whole undercover job was to touch base with her but he managed to do a whole _hell _of a lot more."

The doctor's eyebrows dipped in confusion. "They became friends which displeased you?"

Elliot's removed his hand from its place on the arm of the chair and slowly balled it into a tight fist. His eyes flashed with an emotion that easily betrayed the confidence of what thought was brewing in his mind. Dr. Taylor could see the detective's form tense and his jaw lock up. Whatever he was about to reveal, it clearly had a massive hold over him. He paused for moments on end to consider the appropriate response and when he finally found sufficient words, he uttered them in a voice that spoke volumes of malevolence. "She's actually dating him."

**I figured that if Olivia can't have Elliot she at least needs_ someone_. And what better of a suitor than a man Elliot Stabler absolutely despises? Olivia will be making her grand entrance in this story very shortly in such a way that will spark an interest for both Elliot and his shrink. But I guess that's the point, right? :)**


	5. Chapter 5

He studied his patient's involuntary movements and watched as his blood boiled at the mere mention of the man his partner was currently dating. It was clear to him that any man Olivia Benson allowed in her company would get the same icy treatment even if he was the model of a perfect man.

And there was only one reason for this.

"You seem to not favor any of the men in your partner's life besides yourself," Dr. Taylor implied with a raise of a graying eyebrow. "The only man who is truly worthy of her is you."

"I once told Olivia that I'm the longest relationship she has ever had with a man," Elliot said. "I don't know why she has stuck around all these years to deal with my sorry ass but she has."

"Do you think she's happy in this environment?" Dr. Taylor asked. "The job she shares with you and the impact it has on her social life."

"I don't know," Elliot shrugged. "Even if she wanted to tell me, we're not exactly big on talking about our _feelings_."

"I'm asking _you_, Detective Stabler," Dr. Taylor pointed at him with the capped end of his pen. "Not what she might or might not have told you on her part."

"I've always wanted Olivia to be happy," Elliot said firmly. "That will never change, but I can see that this endless job has left her practically in pieces more than once and she's had to cancel quite a few dates because she won't give up in her pursuit of justice. She has sacrificed far too much and now all she has is me and the job which bothers her because it's not the life she wanted."

"What do you think about that?"

"She deserves so much better than what she's been given," Elliot said quietly with soft eyes focused on the floor.

Dr. Taylor was silent for a few moments. He was contemplating Elliot's last comments and how to respond; they were words he had tried to finagle out of his patient since their session had begun but the look on Elliot's face told him it wasn't an easy declaration for him to make. The way his eyes instantly softened the hard planes of his normally stern face and the way they avoided the pair of eyes staring back at him. It only reaffirmed his belief that Elliot felt guilty about his relationship with Olivia and felt he was inadequate in her presence.

The doctor considered his words carefully. "Would you be willing to fill that void?"

Elliot's head lifted slowly from its resting place between his hands. "I don't understand what you mean."

"You said that she deserves much better than what she has been given," Dr. Taylor replied. "I'm asking you if you would like to be the person that makes that happen."

Elliot's eyebrows dipped and he sat almost rigid in the chair. He had gone over this question numerous times in his mind but now he was faced with the answer that Dr. Taylor was patiently waiting for. "I don't know how to be what she deserves."

"And why is that?"

"I have tried and failed so many times to prove to her that I am what she deserves but I always end up making a fool out of myself and pushing her away. I have hurt her in so many ways that I'm surprised she even cares enough to puts up with me," Elliot said in a frustrated tone. "She deserves someone who will be everything to her and it's not me."

"Do you _really_ believe that?" Dr. Taylor asked with a smirk. "You seem very certain that _you_ are not the man that she truly cares about."

"I know she cares about me," Elliot replied with a soft smile. "But Porter is the one that makes her happy. Although I hate his guts and I don't think he deserves her, he puts a smile on her face which is not something I can say for myself as of late."

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe she turns to other men because she feels you are not within her reach?"

"She knows where to find me if she needs me," Elliot said harshly. "It's up to her whether or not she wants to seek me out."

"You misunderstand me, Detective Stabler. You were married for twenty years to a woman you convinced yourself _and_ your partner you were irrevocably in love with which was turns out not to be the case at all. You don't let your partner see how you truly feel about the men she dates because you barely blink an eye when you're around her for fear of letting on to your _true_ feelings. You find out seemingly coincidentally that your partner is dating a man you despise. You're partners and the rule book states that you cannot fraternize with each other. But this could be easily fixed if you switch partners; but you won't do it because you're a chicken and won't tell her that your feelings go beyond that of a partner because you're afraid of losing her, and she won't do it because she has to prove to you that her first instinct isn't always just to take off when things get tough and she doesn't want to lose you either," Dr. Taylor stated with a laugh. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that closing the distance would be the solution to this whirlwind of a partnership."

Elliot breathed deeply and tapped his deft fingers against his chin. "So basically what you're saying is that Olivia is secretly in love with me and always has been but just never told me. She pushed me away like I pushed her away and dated _all_ those other guys in order to get me out of her head because she knew I wasn't available and that we could never have a relationship that was simply a one night stand becase we mean too much to each other?"

Dr. Taylor's face lit up as a bright grin stretched from ear to ear. "_Exactly_."

"For someone who hates psychology with such a passion, I guess I'm not half bad," Elliot mumbled into the palm of his hand. "If this is true, which I'm not saying it _is_, but _if _this is really the way she feels, then why didn't I see it before now? I consider myself to be a pretty perceptive person _especially_ when it comes to my partner and I just overlooked _everything_?"

"It was all there, Detective Stabler," Dr. Taylor said. "From the way she locks eyes with you which we here at this clinic, when talking about unrequited lovers, like to refer to as _eye sex_ to her falling prey to other men because of her fear of falling for you and losing the only person she has left in her life. From her envy of your wife because she thought you were in love with her to running away when things get sticky because she can't bear to have you cause her pain. From her choosing you over the job to her keeping secrets from you. It was all done out of the love in which you both share."

"I never said that I was in love with her."

"You didn't have to _say_ anything," Dr. Taylor smirked. "What you do not give away with words you convey using other means even if you do not realize it. This woman means far more to you than you let on and it is time you come to terms with how this affects the way in which you do your job."

"What does my relationship with Olivia have to do with my fuck ups at work?"

"Sexual frustration is a mighty powerful entity. By sheer observation I can see that you have enough pent up sexual energy to power a small Midwestern town which, speaking as a man myself, can _really_ cloud your judgement. Without your ability to remain levelheaded in situations that require you to be focused, cases do not get solved and even if they do, they are done so in a half assed way with plenty of mishaps. That isn't to say that it is the main cause, but it accounts for the majority of your problems at work. And now that she is dating someone you severely dislike only makes matters worse. Perhaps it might be best to strip you of your gun before you do something rash?"

"She would kick my ass if I ever tried to lay a hand on her."

"Olivia Benson is more than just a pretty face to you?"

Elliot smiled warmly. "You have no idea."

Dr. Taylor sighed heavily and closed the file that rested on his lap. "Well, we have certainly made quite a bit of progress for today. It seems as though we cannot solve all of the problems of the world one day, but there is always next time for us to make an attempt. The same time tomorrow satisfy you?"

"Absolutely," Elliot quickly got up from his seat and opened the office door. "Have a good day."

As Detective Stabler left, Dr. Taylor pondered the events of the hectic but promising day. Their conversation in its entirety had made him immensely curious. The woman that his patient spoke of was held in such high regard that Dr. Taylor was anxious to see exactly why Elliot Stabler was so drawn to Olivia Benson. He would never be able to guide Detective Stabler in the right direction unless he was able to_ directly_ observe the partner that had landed him in these sessions. He laughed quietly to himself as the thought struck him.

It seemed that he had retired from the business of unwanted interference but this was an opportunity he was in no position to pass up. He was known for being a genuis but notorious for being a meddling prankster. He had a trick hiding up his clever sleeve and this time his target were two _very_ unaware lovebirds.


	6. Chapter 6

The day was quickly ending but Dr. Matthew Taylor's mind was just beginning to churn with mischief. His sole objective before he retired for the evening after a long day was to examine the dynamic between Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson. He could not conjure up a single doubt in his mind that his analysis would inevitably lead him to call the bluffs of the suppressed detectives. He could spot a poker face from a mile away and he had seen Elliot Stabler's attempt at concealing his desires for his partner fail miserably. He wondered if Detective Benson would prove to be the same for this would determine whether he would fold or place all bets in favor of a blossoming relationship.

He had always been an _excellent_ poker player.

Dr. Taylor sat with his legs crossed in a chair opposite Captain Cragen's desk. He smiled fondly at his friend of many years. "I see that you have not reinstated Detective Stabler to his position?"

Cragen shook his head briefly. "Detective Stabler is riding a desk until you clear him to return to field work."

"He has made marvelous progress in just one session with me," Dr. Taylor said. "But I could indeed argue that there is still quite a disruption in his view that prevents him from taking the necessary steps to fully engage in the proper conduct he has been lacking as of late."

"What kind of disruption are you referring to?"

Dr. Taylor smiled wryly. "The woman that is currently seated across from your problematic detective."

"What has Elliot _said _about Olivia?" Cragen regarded Taylor with an aghast look.

"I cannot betray his confidence," Dr. Taylor laughed at his friend's ashen face. "However, I can assure you that he is well on his way to recovering from his afflictions."

"So why the unexpected visit?"

"I need to speak with Detective Benson," Dr. Taylor replied. "She is an integral part of Detective Stabler's official evaluation and without a testimony on her behalf, I will not be able to proceed with my sessions."

Cragen waved his hand absentmindedly in the direction of Olivia. "I suppose you want me to call her in here and give you some time to speak with her privately?"

Dr. Taylor nodded and Cragen returned the gesture, stepping outside the door only momentarily as he motioned for her. She retreated from her desk and walked briskly towards his office, her eyebrows furrowed with blatant confusion. Her bright eyes glanced quickly between the two men and her face bore a bewildered expression. "You wanted to see me, Captain?"

"Olivia, this is Dr. Matthew Taylor," Cragen waved a hand over his friend as he began to open the door. "He's an old friend of mine."

Olivia smiled slightly at the discerning doctor. He gave the impression of being keenly aware of what was happening around without having any knowledge of it. He looked intelligent to say the least with wire rimmed glasses and a savant air that seemed to envelop him. It took her mere seconds to recognize him based on the description Elliot had given her."I assume you must be Elliot's shrink?"

"You have quite an acute sense of perception," Dr. Taylor raised a quirky eyebrow at her. "Or did your counterpart inform you of who I was?"

"Elliot told me that he has been seeing you because of what happened on the Harrington case," Olivia said as she took a seat beside the intriguing doctor.

"And what has Detective Stabler told you about me?" Dr. Taylor asked with a small smirk. "I must remind you that any information you can provide about your partner is pertinent to the arduous investigation he is currently participating in."

"He said that you were a very intellectual and a somewhat philosophical man. Elliot has never really been a fan of shrinks but he said you aren't as horrible as he imagined and that he thinks you might be helping him," Olivia shrugged nonchalantly. "Elliot rarely likes people so it's a little odd he likes you, especially because you're a _shrink_ who is getting him to talk about the problems he never would before."

Dr. Taylor was surprised to hear that his patient had taken some of his obsolete advice and applied it to the situation that had caused him to be the victim of therapy. He had told Elliot to be more open with his partner and it seemed as though he was certainly taking heed. "How much information has Detective Stabler relayed to you about our session?"

"Elliot said he's trying to be open with you because you were pretty forceful in saying that he wasn't going to get his job back until he told you what's been going on," Olivia said. "He wouldn't tell me what it was you guys have been discussing but that he _is_ talking."

Dr. Taylor hummed in response. "Do you find it difficult to work with Detective Stabler?"

Olivia scoffed at Dr. Taylor's question. "If you're looking for me to be spiteful just because you need insight on Elliot and you think I'll give it you because he's not in the room, you're looking in the wrong place."

Dr. Taylor's lips twitched in amusement. He had asked her a simple question regarding her partner and she had instantly bristled. As much as Elliot Stabler claimed he was the aggressor in their partnership, Olivia was quick to defend him and protect him from an outsider who may have threatened him. She was exotically beautiful with smoky eyes and chestnut colored hair falling haphazardly across her shoulders and curves of her body that moved with frankness. She obtained a witty sense of intelligence and she was clever when it came to her work as a detective. She had the strength of a thousand men lying within her and a resilience that catapulted her above the rest. She shined far brighter than anything he had ever seen. She was everything Elliot had described and much more than Dr. Taylor had envisioned.

"My only mission is to _help _your partner," Dr. Taylor said with his finger perched on his nose. "I cannot do that until I receive insight from you."

Olivia sighed heavily. "Elliot reminds me of a bull in a china shop. He sees something he desperately wants and he goes after it, with no recognition of the consequences that will inevitably come. He breaks everything in sight even though he didn't intend to and then feels great remorse and guilt afterwards. But he can't fix the things he has broken no matter how much he tries. It's all lying in pieces on the floor and he's just... left with an enormous mess."

"Is it not true that Detective Stabler could just as easily sweep away the shards of glass that may cause him harm and salvage what is left of the contents of his life?" Dr. Taylor challenged. "When a bull in a china shop makes a mess, there is always someone there to clean up."

"Elliot has conveniently destroyed the relationships of everyone who would be willing to help him clean up that mess."

"On the contrary," Dr. Taylor pointed out. "There is one person in his life that has stood by his side through _each_ and _every_ mess that man has made. Elliot Stabler has _you_."

Olivia's mouth was agape as she processed the doctor's words. Her mind didn't have enough time to debate however, as she noticed a figure appear in the police station. She steered her gaze away from Dr. Taylor's and ran her eyes up and down the form. "Can we continue this later, Dr. Taylor?"

Dr. Taylor's eyes widened at her abrupt interruption. "I don't see why not, Detective Benson."

"Thank you," Olivia said, giving him a small smile as she stepped out of her boss's office.

Dr. Taylor's eye followed her movements and they lead him to come to rest a dark haired man in a suit. He lifted himself from his position in the chair and made his way to the center of the precinct as he watched the scene unfold. He turned his head as he saw Detective Stabler making a cup of coffee only a few feet away, unaware of the presence of this mystery man. But when his eyes left the stir stick in his coffee and landed on the man in Olivia's company, his jaw tightened, his muscles bulged, his nostrils flared and the coffee was left unattended as he focused on a man he clearly despised. His eyes burned with an anger as he surveyed the man.

Dr. Taylor fought back the urge to grin. _So this must be the infamous FBI Agent Dean Porter. _

He could hear Olivia speak to Porter in a low voice, her hand resting delicately on his arm. "Dean, I have to work tonight but if you need to go over the specifics with me we can have lunch now."

"I need to relay the information to the FBI as soon as possible if it's all a go, but I'm not going to keep you if you have something that's more important to deal with," Porter said with his head bent slightly closer to hers than before. "I can always just stop by your place later."

Dr. Taylor chuckled as he heard Elliot clear his throat at the words of Dean Porter. He sat down at his desk with a huff, keeping his eyes averted from the couple. But Dean Porter would not let himself be unknown to Elliot Stabler. "Detective Stabler," he said in a cheery tone with a smile.

Elliot replied with considerably less enthusiasm, although Porter did not seem to notice. _So Dean Porter thinks that dating Elliot's Stabler is an innocent endeavor. How wrong he will soon find himself to be. _

"I'll call you later tonight," Olivia said with a warm smile. Porter leaned in for a kiss to her cheek but she pulled back slightly. "Not here, Porter."

_He's a bold fellow for attempting to kiss her in front of the man whom she works with. But maybe it's his way of proving she is really his? He feels the need to claim his territory in regards to Olivia in the presence of Elliot Stabler._

_Reduced to his last name now?_

_She tells Elliot she is dating Dean Porter but will not publicly display affection in front of him? Maybe she and Elliot are not as platonic as they both seem to think._

Porter apologized and Dr. Taylor watched as Elliot appeared behind her, his hand instantly coming to rest on the small of her back. It was a simple gesture in terms, but there was an ease and comfortability in the movement. He was surprised that Olivia allowed such close contact and that Elliot had done so when he claimed to be the epitome of professionalism.

But he had basically confessed his love for his partner without outright doing so which made it easy to overlook this fact. What intrigued him was that Olivia made no protests to where his hand currently occupied. Even though she might not have been aware of the fact, she had given herself to him and she was _his_. This was plainly obvious as his eyes roved over the pair of detectives.

The pained look on Elliot's face, which had alleviated somewhat when Olivia had withheld from the kiss, glanced back at Dr. Taylor as he watched Olivia disappear to escort Porter out.

Dr. Taylor leaned in closely to Elliot and winked impishly. "Now I see why you work such long hours."


	7. Chapter 7

**I realize that Elliot has never become particularly jealous over any of Olivia's boyfriend's as someone pointed out in a review. While I definitely concur, I wanted this time to be different. I did not feel that choosing a random guy for Olivia to date would have as much of an effect on the story as her dating Porter would. Porter has had involvement in both their lives which is the cause of Elliot's jealousy. Elliot had (basically) admitted that he was in love with Olivia and now that he is truly coming to terms with how he feels, seeing her with Porter, **_**especially **_**Porter as he is aware of his character makes him jealous more so than he has been in the past. He is on the brink of confronting the long hidden feelings and seeing her with him is almost as if it's being rubbed in his face that there are many reasons standing in the way of him having her. But bear with me because I **_**promise**_** in due time it will end in the only way it should: EO.**

Elliot plopped down angrily into the seat facing his shrink with less finesse than he had hoped for. "Visiting my workplace was not something I remember you ever mentioning."

"That would be because I never _did _mention it to you for the purpose of it being a surprise," Dr. Taylor said as he surveyed Elliot with a curious eye. "But I must say that your hostility is primarily due to the fact that your partner was otherwise engaged with another man and _not_ my unexpected visit."

"I understand that these sessions are mandatory but I really don't like you just randomly waltzing into my place of business to come and see me," Elliot said. "That's what these meetings are for."

"You flatter yourself, Detective Stabler," Dr. Taylor grinned impishly. "I never came to see you."

"You were talking to Olivia?"

"Precisely," Dr. Taylor chewed on the capped end of his pen. "I wanted to obtain a sense of your working environment. I couldn't very well help you unless I understood exactly how your _place of business_ affects the way you do your job. And the essential part of your working environment is Detective Benson. You see, I didn't ask her a single question I didn't already know the answer to. But in the course of helping you smooth out your personal and professional relationships, it was in my best interest to speak with her in person. Although I didn't speak with her at length, I was able to observe everything I needed without betraying your confidence."

Elliot breathed a sigh of relief. "What did you think of her?"

"Olivia Benson is a woman that us men rarely come across in our lifetimes. I can aptly say I fathom why you are in love with her," Dr. Taylor mused with a lint of genuity to his voice.

"I am _not_ in love with her," Elliot challenged as his eyes burned bright. "She is my _partner_."

"When someone declares what they are not, it almost inverably turns out to be exactly what they _are,_" Dr. Taylor said with a raise of his always expressive eyebrows. "And you, Detective Stabler, are in love with your partner."

Elliot buried his weary head in his calloused hands. Of all the times he had decided to get into the face of someone else and tell them exactly how they felt and what thoughts were racing through their minds, it was time someone finally received the chance to return the favor. Maybe this was what he needed. He needed to hear those words from someone who wasn't his own self to make them believable.

And now they were.

He was in love with his partner.

With Olivia Benson.

The world seemed to stop as it all finally made sense to him. Every look, every touch, every word, _everything_. It had all been there throughout an entire decade's worth of a partnership.

"What do you want?"

The words sounded unbearably loud to him as he was snapped back into reality. He had been so deep in thought over his revelation he had barely heard Dr. Taylor's words. He looked up at him with solemn eyes. "I don't understand."

"What do you want with Olivia Benson?"

Elliot hesitated. "I don't know."

"Detective Stabler, you are the type of man that does things well but only _your_ way," Dr. Taylor said. "A man like you, in control of every situation, and you _don't know_?"

Elliot's mouth opened and closed several times as he struggled to find the right words. "I don't know what I want."

"I believe you. Because for a man like you to admit that you don't know, to relinquish control, that indeed could argue a disruption in your view that was large enough to cause you to screw up a case?" Dr. Taylor said with his head titled to the side.

"I just never thought of my relationship with her as so black and white. I live in the world of grey."

"But you're definitely attracted to her?"

"You saw her," Elliot said as his lips curled into a smile. "She's certainly beautiful, I will never deny that. But it's not just about how she looks. People look at her and see just beauty but I see so much more than just a pretty face."

"You have explained to me that she is beautiful, smart, funny and someone that you would give everything for," Dr. Taylor pointed out. "Is the idea of a romantic relationship with Detective Benson something you might consider?"

Elliot slowly nodded as the words left his lips. "I'd like to give it a try."


	8. Chapter 8

**Many,_ many_ apologies for neglecting this for so long but a little thing called life interrupted my plans of continuing this story. But now I have come back to bring the next installment so enjoy!**

Elliot cursed Taylor for plating such radical ideas in his head but he had to admit that he was growing fond of them. Ever since he had admitted to his shrink that he wanted more than just a partnership with Olivia, the Elliot Stabler he had been for longer than he could remember was slowly beginning to peel away to reveal the Elliot he always knew was within him.

He had fallen victim to the magic of Dr. Taylor and he couldn't help but give a small smile. He had been so reluctant to pursue therapy but now he was fully in favor of the unconventional methods Dr. Taylor seemed to love. It wasn't something he was accustomed to; being taken by the hand and shown the path he was supposed to endure but he was rather enjoying not being so in control for once.

The changes were washing over him and it was almost overwhelming how far he had come since the day he had begun his journey into the outlandish world of psychology. He began to see his partner in a new light and he knew Olivia was the star witness.

She had left early from work that particular day without the smile he normally saw her with lately. Elliot had bid her goodnight and gave her a warm smile which she barely returned as she threw on her coat and left him alone with his mountain of paperwork. Something was amiss with his partner and damned if he wasn't going to find out.

He furrowed his brow in confusion and tossed the pen across the desk, grabbing his keys and his jacket as he made his way out of the squad room. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, hitting the first speed dial on the keys.

_Calling... Liv. 212-555-0315._

_Outgoing call has been rejected._

He snapped the phone shut as he slipped the keys into the ignition. Olivia always answered when he called.

He mentally kicked himself for speeding and running almost every red light with his sirens flashing brightly above him. He was a _cop _for Pete's sake and abusing the ethics was strictly prohibited but this was his partner.

Elliot ran upstairs two steps at a time and when he reached the front door of her apartment he pressed his ear to the hard wood and fingered the weapon at his hip. Before he could rap his knuckles against the entrance, he heard the deadbolts sliding out of place and the door swung open.

"How did you know I was here?"

Olivia rolled her eyes as she stepped inside to let him in. "I know you, Elliot. I didn't answer your phone call and I knew it would be a matter of minutes before you showed up on my doorstep."

"Why _didn't_ you answer my phone call?" Elliot asked curiously, arms folded across his broad chest in a defensive stance.

"I didn't want to talk to anyone tonight," she said quietly, turning her face away from him. "I wanted to be left alone."

"What happened, Olivia?" he said, inching closer to where she was standing. "What did Porter do to - "

Her head whipped around and he could see the pain in her eyes at the mention of Porter's name. He had hurt her somehow and Elliot instantly angered at the thought of Porter doing anything to damage the already fragile state of his partner.

"He told that he was going to be working in Oregon again and that he needed me to help him catch the members of the ecoterrorist group that I didn't get to last time," Olivia said softly. "He asked me to go undercover again."

Elliot could feel his stomach instantly drop at her words. The memories of the time he spent alone while she was undercover flashed before his eyes and he looked at her, wide eyed and slack jawed as the shock washed over him. "You're leaving again, Olivia?"

She could hear the anguish that he tried to disguise in his voice. She had always run from him when something went wrong and he thought this time would be no different. _He doesn't want me to leave him alone again. He wants me to stay for him. _"I said no," she replied as she watched his features go from sheer disappointment to utter relief. "I told him I wasn't going anywhere this time."

His shoulders dropped with ease and he let out a breathy sigh. "Porter broke it off because you chose to stay here."

Olivia laughed lightly in a way that suggested she didn't find the situation particularly amusing at all. "He decided it would be best if we parted ways because of the distance and I agreed with him," Olivia managed to choke out as her eyes welled up with tears. "I made the right decision, didn't I?"

Elliot smiled gently at her and nodded. "You always do."

"I shouldn't be this upset over him but for some reason I actually thought I was happy," Olivia scoffed and ran a hand through her messy hair. "I was kidding myself if I ever thought_ that _could happen."

He gave her a cheeky grin, the infamous Stabler grin that made her weak at the knees on more than one occasion and held out his arms to her. She laughed at how ridiculous he looked and willingly accepted his invitation, letting him wrap his strong arms that always made her feel safe around her in a tight embrace. He held her there for what seemed like an eternity, letting her tears fall onto his shirt as her hands splayed scross his back, her face buried into the crook of his neck.

She pulled back slightly from him, keeping him at arm's length as she spoke. "Thank you."

He swiped a thumb across her cheek, wiping away a lone tear and smiled down at her. "Anytime."

She eyed him curiously, pulling her lower lip between her teeth. "What caused you to be so sweet about all of this? You're usually so... brooding and intense that I didn't know you had it in you to be like this."

Elliot shrugged his shoulders and smiled back at her. "Dr. Taylor has made me realize a lot of things I was blind to before. He made me aware of how I was treating you and I'm working on it. I'm not quite there completely but I'm making progress."

He wanted to tell her Dr. Taylor had made him realize something else too but he couldn't bring himself to tell her he was in love with her when she had just ended things with a man she had truly cared for.

"He really _is_ the best in his field if he can get you to loosen up," Olivia joked. "But seriously, I should know better than to date someone who is in the same line of work as I am. Eventually a problem arises like this and it makes it too complicated. I'm through with dating cops."

Elliot's heart sunk straight down to his stomach but he forced a smile anyways. "I think you should come with me to a therapy session with Dr. Taylor."

"_Seriously_?"

He waggled his bushy eyebrows at her as he grinned from ear to ear. "It could be fun."


	9. Chapter 9

He pulled back the sleeve of his jacket and anxiously checked the time on his watch. "It seems as though Detective Benson's arrival has been delayed," he commented with a puzzled look. "If I'm not mistaken, she is normally quite punctual?"

"She's at the airport saying goodbye to Agent Porter," Elliot grumbled just audibly enough for Dr. Taylor to hear.

Dr. Taylor squinted at him, peering over the edges of his Harry Potter style frames. "I see you are displeased at this notion?"

"They broke up," Elliot replied with a toss of his hands. "Does that mean she needs to see him off? This may come off as rude, but contrary to popular belief, he's a big boy. I think he can do it himself without her assistance."

Dr. Taylor regarded his patient with a stern look in response to his thoroughly snide remark. "Detective Stabler, I don't appreciate your use of derogatory statements in regards to - "

He stopped midsentence as a voice floated into the room. "Sorry I'm late," Olivia interjected, closing the office door silently behind her. "I didn't miss anything, did I?"

Dr. Taylor smiled warmly when his eyes came to rest on her. "Not at all," he said. "Have a seat, if you would be so kind."

As she lowered herself into a chair adjacent to Elliot, he took careful notice of the way Elliot refused to make eye contact with her. He chalked it up to one of two reasons; either he harbored resentment for her for what he considered a betrayal by canoodling with Agent Porter or that ever since he had realized his deep seated attraction for his partner he had found it hard to act like a normal human being in her presence.

He decided it was a compound of both.

"So I would prefer to just dive right so as to extradite this process," Dr. Taylor said as he flashed both of them a reassuring smile. "Detective Stabler tells me that you have been partners for over a decade now."

"Eleven years next month," Olivia answered calmly and without hesitation. He was well aware that he would have to use every trick in the book with Olivia Benson. She was not easily fooled by his subtle manner. "Why?"

"A partnership that long is almost equal to an average spanned marriage," Taylor remarked. "Clearly, given that that is the case, you must have some... well, _problems_ just like married couples seem to."

Olivia leaned forward in interest. "_Sexually_?"

Elliot perked up at the mention of this. "With _each other_?"

Taylor chuckled at their reactions. "You misunderstand me," he said. "I am sure you are well aware that married couples have a tendency to develop a habit of bickering."

Elliot rolled his eyes in contempt. "I can relate to _that_."

"We do argue once in awhile," Olivia admitted. "But not when it matters."

"Care to elaborate?"

"We always agree that we do what's best for the _victim_," Olivia replied with feeling. "But sometimes along the way... we might lose sight of that. He thinks one thing is right, I think the other and eventually... well, our intentions were well meant but the execution was amiss."

"And do you believe Elliot's intentions were well meant when he chose to come to your aid after Victor Gitano sliced your throat over a scared little boy?"

Olivia turned her head, staring blankly at Elliot. "Do you tell him _everything_?"

Elliot shrugged and closed his eyes briefly. "He's_ really_ good at manipulation."

"Clearly," Olivia affirmed, turning back to be under the sage gaze of Dr. Taylor. "Under the circumstances, I think he did exactly what he was supposed to do. Check on me first and then seek out the little boy. We had cops crawling all over that place that could eventually catch him."

"And yet they didn't," Taylor pointed out. "While Elliot was checking on _you_, a little boy lost his life."

"So you're blaming _me_?" Olivia asked incredulously.

"Certainly not," Taylor corrected her. "This case was the reason you two split up after so many years together and one that ceases to go away. You each have your own opinions on the matter, opinions you never cared to share with each other. I am just trying to make you realize that while you may have witnessed your partner's angry reaction over the situation, you cannot speak for him. _You_ chose a new partner without taking into account _why _he reacted the way he did. A life was lost that day and another one could have just as easily been stripped away in the blink of an eye. You cannot expect Elliot to come out of that all smiles, now can you?"

"But he..." Olivia began before she was interrupted by Taylor.

"It _doesn't_ matter," Taylor said in the firmest voice he could muster. "Whether problems had been arising before or not, whether _this_ happened or _that_ happened, events played out as they did. If roles were reversed, tell me what you would have done?"

Olivia was quiet for a few moments before she came up with a response, whispering the answer in a breathy way. "I would have done the same."

Dr. Taylor smiled triumphantly at the pair, sighing in an amused way and placing his clipboard on his desk. "Communication is the key to life, Detectives. You both are very personally involved in one another's lives and that says something. Whether it's checking up on someone's criminal brother to make sure she stays out of harm's way herself to delivering his pregnant wife's baby, there seems to be a connection here neither of you can deny that stops you from being able to keep your grubby mitts _off_ of each other's personal affairs. But, alas, I have overstepped my boundaries for one day and it seems as though my wife is here. I expect to see the _both _of you here tomorrow, same time. Have a nice day."

He left after his cheerful goodbye, and Elliot stood up to look at through the window at the scene unfolding. His eyes widened and his jaw slackened as he saw Dr. Taylor place a kiss on a supermodel looking woman. "Now _that _defies all logic."

He laughed at his own joke, expecting Olivia to guffaw at it too, but when he looked beside him, she was gone. She was already halfway own the steps by the time he caught her.

Elliot gently tugged at the base of her elbow. "We need to talk."

Olivia turned back to face him and he could see wear the tears had stained her cheeks. Had she been _crying_? It was so rare a sight to see that at first he was in disbelief. But Olivia was seldom confronted and he knew that the issue itself had hit deep. He wanted to assure her that it was just Taylor's methods and that he had meant no harm by it, but he stopped himself. Immediately he could feel the pain just as if someone had socked him in the stomach.

"You know what, Elliot?" she questioned, the words falling off her tongue in a jumble. "I _really _don't want to talk. I am all talked out for the day."

He was still holding on to her elbow and he gently pulled her around to face him. He eased her closer to his body and felt her chest shake with the force of a deep breath. It was then she continued to talk about _not_ talking. "I just really need a break," Olivia said with a heavy sigh. "Especially from talking. That is what I need a break from, Elliot. _Talking._"

He gave her an impish smile and she stared at him almost nervously, wondering why he seemed to be at a loss for words and could only smile at her. Those piercing blue eyes and infamous grin always had an effect on her.

Elliot reached up, swiping a thumb across her cheek just like he had done that night when she had been so hurt over Porter. But this time, it was a different gesture even if it seemed the same. It wasn't about comfort this time.

He moved the hand away from her cheek to hold her face and used his other hand to brush a strand of loose hair way from her face, his smile not faltering and his face now only inches away from hers. "We don't have to talk."

Those were the last words she heard before his lips captured hers in a soft kiss.


	10. Chapter 10

He really wanted to laugh at the hilarity of it all.

Here, sitting in the chair across from him with her face riddled with contemplation and even a touch of humiliation, sat Detective Benson. A woman who claimed to be the epitome of keeping it all together was falling apart. Right before his eyes was a sight to behold; she was crumbling at the edges because of what he had told his patient to do. And now the repercussion was staring him in the face. They were such a complicated, perplexing duo, those two.

The word _retirement_ screamed at him like a neon sign at night.

"What exactly seems to be ailing you this fine morning, Detective?"

"Well, you see..." Olivia began, but hesitated as if she regretted opening up a can of worms. "Something happened yesterday."

"Might this _something_ involve a certain someone by the name of _Elliot_?" Taylor had the audacity to _wink_ in her direction.

"Does _anything _ever get past you?"

"Generally, as a rule, it does not," Taylor replied with confident smile. "But I just assumed this was not a friendly visit and since your partner is my patient, he had to be the reason for you stopping by."

"That is not true," Olivia countered. "You never know when I might - "

"Do not attempt to fool yourself, Detective," Taylor warned in a chiding tome. "You would have avoided me like the plague at all costs necessary. The fact that you _are_ here merely states that something is bothering you and that you seem to think I can be of assistance."

"Can you?"

Taylor shrugged in a nonchalant manner. "It depends entirely on what it is."

Olivia sighed and rubbed her temple. "After your session yesterday, I was pretty frazzled and so I went out to get some fresh air. Elliot caught me and told me that we needed to talk."

"And did you?"

"Not quite," Olivia gave a sarcastic laugh. "I told him that I had enough of talking and he just... he kept _looking_ at me. _Really_ looking at me. He told me that we didn't have to talk and he kissed me."

"_Did_ he now?" Taylor's eyebrow shot up quicker than she could say _mazel tov_. "And what was your reaction to this?"

"I pulled away and I told him I had somewhere to be," Olivia said softly. "He seemed... well, needless to say, I hurt his feelings. He had this look in his eyes that I had never seen before."

"Why did you choose to leave him stranded?"

"He caught me off guard!"

"Is that _all_ it was?" Taylor said incredulously. "Because you seem to be the type of woman who would recover quickly from that sort of attack and yet you walked away without any indication as to why. What could possibly be your reason?"

"Tell me, good doctor," Olivia challenged with a glare. "Why _did_ I?"

"I think you should be telling me, not the other way around," Taylor smirked at the detective. "I already know the answer and so do you."

"I honestly don't know," Olivia lied through her teeth. She knew exactly why she had bolted, but to admit it would make the kiss real. And she wasn't sure she was really ready for the magnitude of the situation. "I have no clue."

"Could it be because you did, in fact, want the kiss just as much as your partner did?" _Was this guy psychic? _"Yet you were terrified of what might happen if you reciprocated this act. So you did what you know how to do best; you_ ran_ before anything of that capacity _could _happen."

"I don't_ run _when - " Olivia began to protest, but he held up a hand, his eyes closed in frustration.

"Again, do not attempt to kid yourself. You will only end up looking foolish," Taylor amended, a hint of irritation in his voice. She was a stubborn as he was. "I see it in the both of you; the constant need to run when it finally appears that something is right within the world, something neither of you are used to since all you see is what's wrong. So you_ run_ before this right thing has chance to really capture you and then inevitably let the other shoe drop. And the one time Elliot takes the initiative to get something right instead of waiting for it to come along all on its lonesome, you leave him thinking what he did was wrong. And you wonder _why_ you have such problems. You cannot play games when it comes to matters of the heart."

"In all my experience, the other shoe _has_ inevitably dropped," Olivia admitted with a look of utter sadness in the pools of brown. "Who's to say it won't happen the exact same way this time?"

"The person you need to ask that question to is Elliot," Taylor smiled gently at Olivia, trying to encourage her with just his eyes. "I cannot speak for him."

Olivia sat perfectly still for moments on end, her eyes glazed over and focused on something other than the man across from her. Suddenly, she nodded her head as if realization was finally dawning on her and he knew that look; it was the same one Elliot wore the day he had admitted his love for Olivia in their session. He could not resist the urge to smile.

_Now it was time for a well deserved cup of tea,_ he thought. Olivia ran out the door without so much as another word to him, only stopping briefly to grab her jacket, presumably to find the man she loved.

He had succeeded.

**AN: It's insanely short, I know. But I PROMISE next chapter will be longer and contain the juicy bits you guys so desperately want to see. ;)**


	11. Chapter 11

He lay there, sheets wrapped loosely around his torso, staring up at the ceiling. He had been looking up there for so long, he had burned each ridge and white speck of paint into his brain to last him his entire lifetime. But he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away; at least this way his mind was focused on inanimate objects rather than the warm lips of Olivia Benson.

Because that was where his mind seemed to wander ever since he had kissed her. He could think of nothing else but what it had felt like to _finally_ kiss her. The image danced around in his head and he found as he replayed it so often that the kiss had not just been good like he had always thought it would be; it was_ incredible_.

Too bad he would never be able to do it again.

He had realized too late, after he had kissed her on the steps outside Taylor's office and made a mountain out of a molehill when it came to his harbored love for her, that kissing her had been a colossal mistake. She had pulled away so quickly that he barely had time to lick his lips before she was out of his sight. He knew then that not only were the feelings not reciprocated but he had probably just ruined their friendship and what little he had left of a work relationship all in one fell swoop.

He mentally kicked himself for being such a bumbling idiot. How could he _do_ something like that?

But none of his excuses explained why she had kissed him back. Because she_ had_ kissed him back. Her lips had clearly been moving with his, returning his kiss in the same gentle manner with which he had been kissing her. He remembered so vividly the way her fingers gripped him so tightly at his lapels like she never wanted to let go, the way the soft moan that she let escape reverberated throughout his body, the way she moved her body flush against his out of her own inhibition.

She had been as invested in the kiss as he had been.

But then she had done what she would always do. She had run before that investment had a chance to turn sour. When it was still good enough to pursue but on the teetering edge of being something more than what she wanted. He had witnessed this so many times before that he chided himself for actually being surprised that it had happened this time. Could he really expect anything more?

He wanted to clear his head as he knew he would have to face her soon. They would inevitably get called in on a case and would have to work together to solve a crime. They would investigate, play Sherlock and Nancy until each puzzle piece was put back into its place and the day was saved by the heroes of Manhattan. Because it's what they _do_.

There was no room for falling in love with your partner.

He made a move to get up from his comfortable bed, reluctantly leaving the warmth of the cotton in search of a shirt to cover his naked chest. He rummaged until he found a ratty shirt with the NYPD logo tattered across, intending to brew a pot of much needed coffee to cure him of his atrocious headache. He stood there in the kitchen, barefoot and rubbing his temple as he started to pour the beans when he head the light knock on the door. It was just after dusk so he was wondering who might be dropping by this late, but it could only be one person. Not even his kids nor Kathy would stop by at such an late hour on a work night.

"Elliot?"

He laid the measuring cup on the counter and jogged to the door, unlocking the deadbolts and glancing into the peephole for clarification. Elliot took a deep breath and opened the door, forcing a small smile. "What are you doing here?"

He let her inside without so much as another word, closing the door behind him with a whisper and started to pad back into the kitchen, but she stopped him, gripping his wrist with her fingers. He saw a look in her eyes that had never seen before. "You kissed me, Elliot."

He furrowed his brow in confusion at her remark. "You kissed me back."

"I meant that you kissed me. _Really_ kissed me."

"I really kissed you," Elliot pointed out again to emphasize, not entirely sure where this notion was headed but he went along with it. "You kissed me back."

She ran a hand through her wisps of hair, an exasperated sigh escaping her. He noticed then that she refused to meet his eye. "I did kiss you back."

"Olivia," Elliot lifted her chin with his thumb so that he could make her look at him instead of watching her avoid him. Her eyes twinkled like the tears were about to spill. "Are you okay?"

"I just don't want you to have kissed me, or even for that matter been so _not_ Elliot with me, because it was some sort of pity deal. I was pretty bent out of shape and fragile after everything Taylor had said and you kissed me, crying my eyes out in front of you and upset and I don't want you have to have done this for all the wrong reasons," Olivia said, her voice dropping low for her last words. "I don't want you to regret it."

His eyes flashed, sparkling bright and she saw raw emotion there; she had hurt Elliot somehow with what she had said. Elliot was _hurt_. She wasn't sure she could fathom such a rare spectacle. "Is that what you think, Olivia?"

"I don't know what to think, Elliot," Olivia said in a soft voice, the softest he had ever heard her use. "I have been hurt so many times before that I have to prepare myself in advance for the next time it happens."

She had now perched herself on his years old couch, tired from standing before him, afraid her knees would buckle due to the sheer gaze of his piercing blue eyes. Elliot got down one one knee, grasping her hand in his, making sure this time her eyes were forced to look at him and she had nowhere to run. "You really think I would hurt you?"

She gave him a small smile, a smile that reflected the sadness she kept buried deep within her. "You could have any woman in the world. What would I - "

He threw a hand up to interrupt her, angry with the conclusion she was about to make. "Please don't finish that sentence, Olivia, because it's one hundred times over the most incorrect statement you could ever make," Elliot shot back firmly. The gravity in his voice sent her backpedaling and she found herself gripping the edge of the couch between almost white knuckles. He paused to take a long, deep breath as if his lungs had been without air for the last few moments.

Olivia gave a laugh, but it wasn't the kind of amused laugh that she found something particularly funny. "Maybe we could get some advice from Taylor about all of this. He clearly knows what to do when everything is falling apart."

"Taylor can't fix everything, Olivia. It's just you and me."

She didn't even think he realized how much meaning those words held. She looked up finally, penetrating blue focused on equally vibrant brown. "I have this fear that one day you will finally look at me, _really_ look at me and realize that I am a disappointment. That I am not as strong or as amazing as you seem to believe I am. And I _am_ afraid that it will change the way you think about me."

She was finally confessing to him. It broke his heart to know that _this _was the way she felt; that she wasn't good enough for him, that he could never love her the way she loved him, that he wanted someone other than her because of who she was, that he would ever think she was less than perfect to him. He understood now why she had run. He knew it hadn't been because she didn't love him; she _loved_ him. It had been because above all she was scared and terrified of what love could do to her.

He wanted to tell her she had already crashed and burned long ago.

He suddenly remembered that actions _do_ speak louder than words because he could discern that with words he would get nowhere when it came to Olivia. The reassurances he would speak would undoubtedly fall on deaf ears. He would have to not just tell her about the way he felt, but _show_ her the way he felt.

"Olivia..." Elliot breathed, his strong and calloused hand gently kneading her shoulder at first, moving above her skin at an agonizingly slow pace to reach up and stroke her cheek. His thumb brushed by her cheek on its way to her mouth where he traced her lower lip that was now quivering. She was shaking but not because of the winter's cold that seemed to envelope the room. _He_ made her shiver in ways she never thought possible, ways that temperatures below zero never could.

She could smell what was purely Elliot; laundry detergent from the fabric of his shirt, soap from the last shower he had taken, mint toothpaste that lingered on his breath and an intoxicating cologne that coated his body. He was so close to her, only centimeters that separated them, studying and watching her so intensely she had the urge to look away. Her eyes flickered as his gazed over her, tracing her over and over in his mind as if he was really looking at her for the very first time. And maybe he was in a way.

Because _everything_ was different.

He lowered his head so slowly that she thought she had imagined him moving altogether. His lips came to rest on hers without capturing them fully, hovering less than a centimeter above as if he was silently asking her permission. He was so close yet not close enough.

Her fingers threaded in the short hair at his nape and she pressed her lips against his. His hand cradled her neck while the other dropped lower to trace patterns on the legs of her jeans. She thought for a second that maybe those patterns might be hearts he was etching but that just _couldn't_ be Elliot.

Yet when his finger looped one side and then to the other, she knew that was exactly what he was doing. Because he wasn't the same Elliot he had been before everything with Taylor. He was _different_. He had changed for _her _and he was perfect to her in every way because of that.

And tonight would be perfect.


	12. Chapter 12

The sheets were wrapped conveniently around both of them, his just above the dip of his waist, hers caught underneath her arms so that anatomical parts unsaid were hidden, but he smirked and gave a small snicker so as not to wake her, fully aware of what lay beneath. He reached up and delicately, a word so rarely used to describe him, brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen into her closed eyes. She was out like a light but it wasn't as if he could blame her; after the night they had, he had crashed almost simultaneously with her. He balanced on one hand, head perched on his palm, savoring the moment he actually got to watch her sleep, uninterrupted and through the night for once.

But he supposed this might have been influenced by the fact that she had been in his arms the entire time.

He moved carefully as he got up from the bed so as not to wake her, hoping to get a jump start on the morning before she did awake from her slumber. He silently thanked the gods above that they both had today off.

He stumbled into the kitchen still groggily, turning the coffee pot on silent to brew. He was absentmindedly peeling back the skin of the banana because all his mind could think about was Olivia. Everything that had occurred the night before had been better than he had imagined; his dreams had been fulfilled. It had not just been about sex; it had been about making _love_. The way her lips melded with his in unison, the way her flesh felt against his in such a palpable state, the way the noises she made gave him the chills, the way his name just _rolled _off her tongue as she yelled it from the pleasure he was giving her, the way she had held onto him as she rode out the final storm and the way she fell asleep against him with her body flush against his, still heated from what they had just experienced.

When he finally had a steaming cup of coffee gripped tightly between his chilled fingers, he relished in the warmth it was giving off and made his way back to the bedroom. But the coffee's warmth paled in comparison to that of Olivia. He could see the look on her face as he arrived and he just _knew_.

His shoulders slumped as he spotted the utter relief in her eyes. "You thought I left?"

"Of course not. I was just - "

"You are a very bad liar, Olivia," Elliot scolded, reluctantly handing the heated cup over to her. "And a thief at that."

She glanced down to her legs which were now occupied by his boxers and then back up to where his NYPD shirt hung loosely over her and let out a soft chuckle at her wardrobe. "I seem to have misplaced my own clothes."

"Olivia," Elliot said as she took a long swig of the caffeinated beverage, her eyes focused on the liquid inside instead of him. "I am _not_ going anywhere."

"You are the first man to actually stay the night and not leave me wondering the next morning, the only thing missing the money on the bedside stand," Olivia said, shrugging her shoulders half-heartedly as she fiddled with a lose thread on the comforter. "This will take some getting used to because this isn't what I know. I expect it from you because it's who you are but it doesn't mean I know how to handle it any better."

"You are _not_ a whore," Elliot clarified in an angry tone. "Nor should you ever think that is what you deserve in any capacity."

"I don't deserve you."

Her eyes finally found his and he saw the struggle she was grappling with. He understood from day one that she was not the typical woman that most men had come to find; she was complicated, with issues and flaws that could fill a book, those of which would scare anyone off who didn't realize the extraordinary woman that lay beneath the hardship. He loved her for reasons many did not. A child of rape, the lack of a stable family, her inability to trust anyone she might fear would damage her. She saw these as reasons to turn away but they were reasons to love her more. He always knew that it was difficult for her to trust and even more so to love.

"I told Taylor one day that you deserve far more than you have been given," Elliot began as he recalled the memory, and he swallowed heavily but his heartfelt confession made its way to the surface despite his efforts to keep it bottled inside. "He asked if _I _wanted to be the person to give that to you and I told him that I didn't know how to be what you deserve. But I'll be damned if I let you get away without at least _trying_. Because that's what I want, what I have _always_ wanted, is to be what you deserve. I know that this is complicated beyond belief and we are both so damn complicated but _tell_ me you feel the same way and I promise you that I won't hurt you and I will give you what you deserve. _Tell_ me, Olivia, because I need to know."

Olivia kept staring at him with that look that could melt him to a puddle on the ground. She approached him from her position, interlocking her fingers with his and studying them with intent. She noticed his blue eyes watching her, but this wasn't as benign as a simple observation. She gripped his fingers even tighter than before and pressed her lips softly to his. "I'm not entirely certain what this is but I do know that I want to have you, if you'll have me," Olivia whispered as she let go of his hands to hold onto his waist. "I think this might be love, Elliot Stabler."

"That's good, Olivia Benson," Elliot smiled instinctively against her lips at her words. "Because I think this might be love too."

**AN: I am fairly certain that the next chapter will be the last, as much as it pains me to say. But this story has run its course, a very good course at that and I think it's time I wrap it up. So stay tuned for the next chapter, for it will end this journey...**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: I've been busy lately with a brand new fandom that's just AMAZING, so this story has gotten away from me a little bit, I will admit. I have been totally focused on the pairing that I feel I betrayed EO somewhat... nail biter, but don't hate me! Hope you guys like this final chapter. :)**

He realized that today was Thanksgiving.

Although he and Olivia were now officially what would be deemed a couple and it was unspoken between them that they would share Thanksgiving together, he felt compelled to ask her to celebrate the holiday with him.

His heart swelled at this notion, knowing how much it meant to her to _finally_ be a part of something. Because albeit they were just two detectives in Manhattan Special Victims Unit, just beginning to explore an irrevocable attraction and deep passion for one another they had unconsciously shared all along, complicated with scars and flaws galore, but it felt only natural to be here like this. They found solace within each other and safety combined with their new found ability to trust.

He had told her all these years that flesh and blood was not what made a family; he wanted to convey to her that what made a family was love. She needed desperately to understand that they were a family. She needed to understand that they fit together in perfect harmony even with mistakes, imperfections, flaws, complications. She needed to understand that he loved her.

He could not resist the grin that graced his face when he opened his front door and his eyes landed on her. She was dressed casually but she was always at her most beautiful when she was simplistic and herself. Olivia carried with her a certain air and glow which only ameliorated her beauty and he gently eased her toward him, wrapping her in an embrace that gave her the impression that he never wanted to let go. He kicked the door shut with his foot and pulled away slightly, pressing a soft kiss against her lips.

"Happy Thanksgiving."

"I hear you are ready to get stuffed and I have to say that I will be glad to accompany you," Olivia said playfully as she gripped his lapels with her fingertips. "But first we have to make a little detour."

"And where might that be?"

He should have known that Olivia would want to visit his shrink on the day that was primarily affiliated with giving thanks for what you have been given. Because what they were thankful for this year was something they never would have discovered without the assistance of a devious doctor.

"What a pleasant surprise to see you this lovely fall afternoon," Taylor said in a cheery tone when he witnessed his unexpected guests on the front porch outside of his house. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

They exchanged a meaningful look and Olivia intertwined her fingers with his, squeezing them slightly. Elliot felt like he was back in high school, his insides turning upside down with glee like a schoolboy and he returned the gesture with equal fervor. Taylor murmured an approval at the two of them, a triumphant smile playing on his lips. It was a nice addition to Thanksgiving to see the stars align so perfectly.

"I wanted to say thank you to you personally," Olivia acknowledged, her brown eyes dancing with what looked like, although he could not be entirely sure, the onset of tears. "For everything you have done."

Taylor gave them a reassuring smile when Elliot nodded in agreement and he evaluated them for what he was sure would be the very last time. "I appreciate the kind words, but I must blazon to you that what you both have was only achieved by your own means. I have faith that you would found each other eventually, but sometimes all it takes is a little push in the correct direction."

Taylor winked at them and capered slightly when he realized that there was something missing. A rather_ important_ something. "Wait here for one moment. There is something I have been meaning to give you."

When he returned, he brought with him a paper and what Elliot distinguished as his own police badge and service revolver. Taylor retrieved a pen from his shirt pocket and embellished the paper with his signature, handing the items over to his now former client. "Congratulations, Detective Stabler. You have been officially reinstated."

Elliot accepted the objects and suddenly pulled Taylor in for an unwarranted hug, letting him know he was thankful not only to have the job he loved back but also the woman he loved.

"Thank you."

Taylor patted Elliot on the back awkwardly, phased by the contact but he smiled warmly still. "You are very welcome, Detective Stabler."

She was hovering over the counter, slicing the assorted white and dark meats, wings and drumsticks and the vegetables surrounding the bird off of their half eaten turkey with a large knife. He encircled his arms around her waist from behind, inhaling the delectable scent that was purely Olivia. He rested his chin on her shoulder to relish in the moment, his lips peppered kisses across her neck and his finger hooked on her chin to turn her face toward him, her mouth meeting his in the most affectionate kiss he could muster. He wanted her to know she meant something to him.

She meant everything.

"I have something for you."

The panic began to rise to the surface as she saw him reach deep into his jeans pocket and pull out something that she could not recognize at first, a lopsided grin stretched from ear to ear on his face. It was the wishbone from the turkey; traditionally meant to be tugged apart to win the larger piece in the hopes the wish might actually come true.

She chuckled with relief and amusement and poised her fingers readily in the air. "Which side do you want?"

He shook his head vigorously and pulled the wishbone teasingly back towards his chest, twiddling it between his thumbs as he surveyed it. "I want us to save this as a memory of our first Thanksgiving together. Call me sentimental, but we are _not_ breaking this because I don't need a silly tradition to give me what I want. I have everything I wished for right here."

She let him press his body against hers into the counter and he melded his lips with hers. She sighed in contentment and as she pulled away, he could see her studying him carefully with bright eyes, assessing in her mind what she wanted to say. Her voice grounded out with her words, raw honesty and genuine emotion lilting her words.

"I love you."

He sat still while enveloped in her embrace, stunned at her admission for a few moments. He managed to choke out a response, still incapable of coherent thought at hearing words he never thought possible. "I have never heard you say that to anyone."

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, instantly worried she had said too much, rushed into her confession and that Elliot would soon be obligated to leave faster than he had come. He was slack jawed and wide eyed and her heart sunk, thinking that it was not a mutual feeling. She bowed her head in what was almost shame; admitting to love would always end in hurt for her. "I have never had anyone to say it to."

His index finger turned her chin up so that he could have his penetrating blue eyes meet her equally stunning brown eyes and he stroked a thumb across her cheek, whispering breathily against her flesh, his words for once not catching in his throat. "I love you too."

Elliot leaned in to kiss her and she pressed her lips to his without hesitation, immensely grateful and thankful for this present moment. They lived in the world of gray, with crime and evil surrounding them everywhere they turned but they were gracious and humbled even so. There were no guarantees in a life like this, but he was no fool when it came to taking chances when something was worth fighting for. Taylor had been right about everything. They wanted each other, needed each other and loved each other.

They were good for each other.


End file.
